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Sex & Tech in the Age of Corona

Last week, we asked you to send us all your sex & tech related questions. Connection can be hard while sheltering in place and we are all navigating brand new situations. Find out how to keep things sexy and safe.

How can I initiate phone sex without being creepy?

This is definitely not something you want to ask point blank to someone - whether they are a long-distance and long-time partner or a new Tinder playmate. There is no bigger mood killer than receiving a “Want to phone sex?” text while in the middle of something else.

The secret is to use texting as foreplay. Start spicing up your conversation, add innuendos, suggestive photos and work your way up to racy messages. By this point, one of you can subtly suggest sex by texting something like “I want to hear your voice”.

First time FaceTime sex: what do I do? 

While phone sex feels relatively “anonymous”, FaceTime sex takes it a step further. A disincarnated voice becomes a magnificent technicolor human. To get comfortable with it, start small. Reveal some cute lingerie by prancing about in your room, bust out some dance moves (think Audrey Horne rather than MC Hammer), play a stripping game.

If you feel more daring, you could start taking your clothes off and carry on a normal conversation. The temperature should rise pretty quickly. By this point, you want to really communicate with your partner, tell them what you would do to them, what you imagine them doing to you. Communication is key!

Remember to check your angles, to set-up some mood lighting and music before your FaceTime date. You may even want to record short videos to make sure you love the way you look in your set-up. If you feel hot, it will only enhance your FaceTime experience.

We suggest using a tripod (and headphones)  for a hands-free session… Your hands have better things to do than hold your phone! 

FaceTime Safe Sex - How do you make sure your partner isn’t recording your FaceTime sex?

The most important thing is to make sure you trust the person you are about to have FaceTime sex with. You may want to have a prior conversation about boundaries and of course, consent. 

Before you get into it, know that it is possible for someone to record their screen without your knowledge during a FaceTime session. They can even take pictures. Discuss this with your partner beforehand and let them know whether or not you are comfortable with it. 

If you don’t feel entirely comfortable with their answer, but still want to go through with it, follow these rules:

    • Hide your face

    • Don’t show any identifiable marks or tattoos (hide them under cute underwear!)

    • Don’t show your surroundings

    • Prevent someone from taking Live Photos by turning off the option in FaceTime settings (WARNING: they can still screen record)

You can also invite your partner to a more secure app like Signal or Confide. Signal offers end to end encryption while Confide gives you a screenshot-proof messaging system. 

How to take a decent dick pic? When is it OK to send it?

For a decent pic, either take a fully nude shot in the mirror or pull your penis out of your trousers and hold it in a tasteful way. Please, no socks, no trainers, no weird stuff in the background. And clean your mirror! Don’t be afraid to be silly or playful - this is not your TED talk. Same rules apply for strap-on pics.

Dick pics travel faster than a private jet. The comparison ends there: unlike private jets, dick pics are not coveted items. Sense check yourself before you send it: were you and your partner in the middle of a racy conversation? Did they mention wanting to see you better? Are you sure they are in a private setting where they can open the pic? If the answer to any of these questions is “NO”, don’t send it.

There is nothing wrong with sending a dick pic, if it was consented to and if your timing is right. 

It is never ok to send an unsolicited dick pic. 

I want to flirt with my online match, but we haven’t met IRL (in real life) yet, what kind of photo should I send?

It depends on what you are comfortable with and the level of trust you have with that person. 

You could send close-ups of your lingerie, focus on suggestive hand placement, you could also take a nude photo of your shadow - anything that doesn’t reveal too much. 

Keep in mind that anything you send can be shared so follow our suggested FaceTime safety rules.

My girlfriend and I haven’t seen each other since the lockdown. How can we stay connected emotionally and physically? There is only so much to discuss on the phone?

A simple vibrator will definitely spice up FaceTime or phone sex with your girlfriend... You can upgrade to an app-controlled vibrator which allows you to be a little more hands-on, at least figuratively. 

 You might want to use this time to really explore fantasies. Discussing intimate thoughts on the phone can sometimes be easier. Use this time to strengthen your bond.

For lovers sheltering in place separately, it is important to keep your emotional well-being in mind. After FaceTime sex, you are bound to find a little lonelier. Don’t hang up right away, instead lay in bed “together” and watch a film or have intimate conversations.