By Billy Beyer
Okay, straight guys, listen up. We all fight insecurities. We worry about our bodies, our finances, our roles in society, our worth, and our sexual prowess. We just don’t like talking about it, because it’s not “manly”. I want to break that stigma here – especially when it comes to sex.
In recent years, sex toys have become practically mainstream. We estimate over 50% of women own at least one toy, and three-quarters of Americans own a dildo. That’s a lot of sex toys, and most of them are owned by the fairer sex.
Straight men tell me again and again how much this freaks them out. I get it - when you see your partner holding a 12-inch dildo, or a giant vibrating wand, it’s easy to feel, well… emasculated, even undesired.
After all, she has something that vibrates at 89 Hz, does she really need you? Frankly, no, she doesn’t need you. But does she want you? Absolutely. Women are attracted to a man’s energy, and they want you to be part of their sexual experience.
For women, sex toys serve as an enhancement to pleasure, not an alternative to you. In fact, they can be fun for men, too. Using sex toys shows your partner that you’re secure in your own sexual power and are eager to amplify hers. What’s sexier than that?
If you’re uncomfortable, let her lead the conversation. If she already has a toy she loves, then she knows how to use it. Let her put on a show for you and enjoy the journey. Watch how she touches and teases herself, that’s what she’s craving from you. Become her student: be curious, open-minded, and eager to learn.
Admire how beautiful and sexy she is, lost in her own world of pleasure. When you’re ready to join in, give her control. Ask her what she wants you to do to her, or for her, and listen. This kind of play can be incredibly arousing and will bring you and your partner even closer.
When you become more comfortable with toys, you’ll see them as an addition to your relationship, not a threat. You’ll be excited to introduce new toys and types of play – think bondage, role play, submission, even role reversal – into the bedroom. There are so many sex toys out there: dildos, vibrators, G-spot vibrators, man sleeves, Kegel balls, butt plugs, anal beads, and prostate massagers, you’ll never run out of ways to explore each other’s pleasure.
Women are masters of variety and crave intimate communication. Talk about your wants and your desires, ask her about hers. Maybe you saw something in an adult film that turned you on – tell her about it. Create a space of joy and play where anything goes (with 100% consent of course) – and I guarantee you, your sex life will explode.
Most men don’t talk in the bedroom – we have other things on the mind. But communication and consent are key to a good sex life. Miscommunications can quickly shatter the stable foundation you built. Sex is only fun when you both feel safe and are on the same page, and the best way to get there is by talking and asking questions.
The best line I have ever heard is, “She is a woman when she enters my bedroom, and she will leave as a woman”. What goes on in that bedroom between her coming and going is fair territory, as long as you have consent. You might surprise yourselves with what turns you on.
Playing and experimenting are the new normal for relationships. Let toys make your sex life even better and add new vitality to your relationship. There’s no telling what kind of escapes it might lead to…